I really should go to bed because all I am doing is getting tears in my eyes and longing for something I never even had. And these thoughts make me want to…yeah, I should really come up with a euphemism for this because the actual words upset me too much. Carve a tree? That’ll work for now. I want to carve the fuck out of a tree, but it’s not out of sadness or anxiety. I feel so numb and overwhelmed at the same time and I hate this feeling. I need to do something about this before the nightmares come back.